Last fall I entered an essay contest sponsored by a well known magazine. The task was to answer the question: When did you first understand the meaning of love? I wrote about my grandparents. I had forgotten about the contest, but I happened to be thinking of my grandparents a lot this week. We said good bye to Nanny four years ago yesterday, and to Grandpa nine years ago this coming Sunday.
I checked out the contest details and learned that the winners were chosen last month, and while I'm assuming I didn't win the contest (or I would heard about that $3000 prize by now), the lesson learned is, as they say at American Express....priceless.
A
Seventy Year Example of the Meaning of Love
I can't think of two better teachers of the
meaning of love than my grandparents, Agnes and Vance Hallett. It was their example growing up that left a
lasting legacy. Their story, or at least it's beginning, was a bit atypical for
the 1930's.
My grandmother, Agnes Wilson (known to us
grandkids as Nanny), was kicking up her heels dancing the Charleston in the
1920's when she met the dashing Sam Fulton, of the steamboat Fulton family
fame. They fell in love, married, and
as would be expected of them, quickly became pregnant with their first
child.
Only three months into Nanny’s pregnancy,
Sam was stricken with the Swine Flu and died on Christmas Day. That left Nanny widowed, pregnant, and forced
to continue working in her father's grocery store. Today a single working
mother is to be applauded, but in the early 30's it was a rare anomaly.
Love
is being overwhelmed, but moving forward anyway.
Ask any single mom today and they'll also
tell you the situation is not necessarily a magnet for eligible men. But that
didn't deter Dudley Vance Hallett (Grandpa to us, Vance to his wife), from
courting, falling in love and marrying Nanny. Originally from West Virginia, he
was a hardworking steel mill worker
living in a nearby Pittsburgh
neighborhood. He raised her son, Sam Jr.
as his own and their family grew welcoming two more children Carolyn and Tom (
my dad).
Love is choosing to take a risk.
It was a risky choice, not just because he
was taking on a ready made family, but also because Nanny's Catholic upbringing
did not meet the approval of Grandpa's Protestant family, not to mention that
she was an older woman. Scandalous
indeed. He would not let that come in
between the love for his new wife, and ties to the Hallett's slowly evaporated
and I never came to know anyone from the Hallett clan, except for Grandpa's
brother Pete who kept in touch.
Love
is choosing to love someone and loving the whole deal.
Growing up I never once heard my
grandparents argue, raise their voices or criticize one another. Instead I recall them sitting close and
always holding hands. Grandpa was
hearing impaired from birth, so Nanny patiently repeated things slowly and
quietly to him so that he could read her lips and know what was going on in the
conversation around him.
They faced the usual trials and
tribulations of buidling a life together, raising a family, and perservering
through hard times. They supported each
other through the unexpected deaths of their infant daughter, Mary Ann, and
then their youngest child (my father)
Tom, at the age of 52, not to mention of the loss of several siblings, relatives and friends. They endured these obstacles with a
supportive strength for one another and without blame or judgement. They coped as they always did, quietly holding
hands.
:Love
is unconditional.
As often happens, they were eventually
forced to leave the home they loved and relocate to an Assisted Living Center
in another state, close to their
daughter and more accessible to family.
They adjusted slowly and held one another up (both literally and
figuratively).
Love is patience, devotion, affection.
After seventy years of marriage, Vance died
at age 93, and five years later, Agnes followed at age 102. These days with divorce rates soaring over
50%, and even statistics for second marriages even more grim, a seventy year
marriage is a rare gem. It is a without
a doubt a celebration of the meaning of love.
Love
is awe inspiring and occasionally jaw dropping.
I am honored to have been a witness to the
example of the love of Agnes and Vance Hallett because I believe their lives held all of the essential elements
in a lesson plan on love. It helped me to understand the meaning of love and to
know that lasting love IS possible. But
even more, I believe their journey was a lesson to everyone whose lives they
touched.
Love
is, and always will be, my grandparents.
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